Shopping Hell

Two things I hate while shopping:

1. Shopping itself
2. Being talked to while shopping

The latter is unforgivable. It is okay to approach and ask if I need help. I will politely decline and be on my way. You should retreat quietly.

Under no circumstances am I interested in your opinion on the item under scrutiny. It's not so much that I don't give a flying fuck about it but rather that I am all grown up and have been dressing myself for years. Successfullytoo.

Yes, I'm interested in whatever it is I am looking at or else I would not be looking at it in the first place (unless it was out of sheer disbelief because it is the most hideous piece of fashion). Not interested however in how many of these you've sold nor to whom.

If I bring my item of choice to the checkout, don't comment on its size, cut or its color. I picked this size because it fits. In no way do I want to purchase something that makes me look like a microwaved sausage nor am I buying a tent that makes my ass look the size of a small country. Same goes for the cut. It will most likely be flattering (see previous line) and yes, the color is great. Why would I buy this in light blue if I could have it in puke green?

That being said, please don't tell me it is lovely.

Lovely in shopping terms is the equivalent to "interesting" (slow head nod) in a boring conversation or "nice" (encouraging head nod) used to describe someone you can't stand.

In the context of shopping lovely is a non-word. Mmmkay?

So there you go. Rant over.