Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Shopping Hell

Two things I hate while shopping:

1. Shopping itself
2. Being talked to while shopping

The latter is unforgivable. It is okay to approach and ask if I need help. I will politely decline and be on my way. You should retreat quietly.

Under no circumstances am I interested in your opinion on the item under scrutiny. It's not so much that I don't give a flying fuck about it but rather that I am all grown up and have been dressing myself for years. Successfullytoo.

Yes, I'm interested in whatever it is I am looking at or else I would not be looking at it in the first place (unless it was out of sheer disbelief because it is the most hideous piece of fashion). Not interested however in how many of these you've sold nor to whom.

If I bring my item of choice to the checkout, don't comment on its size, cut or its color. I picked this size because it fits. In no way do I want to purchase something that makes me look like a microwaved sausage nor am I buying a tent that makes my ass look the size of a small country. Same goes for the cut. It will most likely be flattering (see previous line) and yes, the color is great. Why would I buy this in light blue if I could have it in puke green?

That being said, please don't tell me it is lovely.

Lovely in shopping terms is the equivalent to "interesting" (slow head nod) in a boring conversation or "nice" (encouraging head nod) used to describe someone you can't stand.

In the context of shopping lovely is a non-word. Mmmkay?

So there you go. Rant over.


Brian o vretanos said...

And there was me considering a career change and practising my sales spiel: "That'll almost make you look young again", "If you wait just one moment, I'll send someone to get one of those in your size."

Perhaps I'll just stick to computers after all...

Kat said...

Brian LOL charming. Yeah you ought to stick to computers - definitely ;-)

Melisa with one S said...

Wow, somebody had a bad shopping trip, huh?

I also hate shopping! Who'd have thought that?

If I need something, I go in, get it, pay, and GET OUT. Done. That's it.

k a t i e said...

Oh my....

*spends at least a quarter of her time doing just that*

Can completely sympathize with socially retarded sales staff, though. If I wanted it in the baby-shit brown, I'd buy it in the baby-shit brown, or if it wasn't the right size, would I honestly be buying it? Seriously, way to start an eating disorder by saying I look 'deceptively narrow' as I buy a US 2. Wow.

misguided mommy said...

know what I hate the most. When they follow you around mentioning how if you open a store card you get a 15% discount. and follow you in the dressing room asking about every single item, how does that fit? oh it looks sooo good you should buy it for sure, it would only be $20.00 after the discount if you got the card.
Then you get to the checkstand and they hound you AGAIN for a store card.

gguuriladkgjlaskdgjalsdk that makes me soooooo mad