Have you heard what the masterminds at Ryanair, the Irish low cost carrier, came up with?They want to charge people on their flights to pay if they need to use the lavatory.
Not that I'd ever set foot in one of Ryanair's machines (the hubby knows there's a ban on that. Ryanair = evil) but that strikes me as fucking stupid. IF and only IF I ever had to fly Ryanair (and I pray to God that I won't have to ever) and I would have to pee urgently, I would just piss on their seats and see how they liked that.
Not only is Ireland 'rip off country' - they've perfected it.
NEVER - YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!
Showing posts with label eejit of the week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eejit of the week. Show all posts
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Prawo Jazdy - You Shady Criminal
This is so funny but comes with a lengthy introduction.
I have fond memories of living in Ireland. During my five years on the Emerald isle things you would hear about stories in the news that would make you go "huh?". More often than not they would include horrible accidents, bad traffic or events involving the police or Garda (Garda Síochána na hÉireann - Guardians of the peace of Ireland) as they're called in Ireland.
During the Celtic Tiger, the country's boom years, a lot of people figured you could make a great living and the booming economy drew people from across Europe to Ireland.
Soon you'd walk down a street in Dublin and all you would hear was foreign accents. A lot of Polish people moved to Ireland after Poland had joined the EU in 2004 and they made up the biggest part of immigrants. Out of a population of roughly 4 million people, 200 000 were Polish immigrants.
It had positive and negative effects which I will not go into here but you'd think with Polish newspapers, shops and television channels popping up all over Ireland , the Garda would have copped on sooner.
Anyway, sooner or later Polish were stopped by Gardai for speeding. Drivers licenses were handed over, names and addresses were written down, speeding tickets were sent but they could never arrest the person charged. Not long after that the Polish citizen Prawo Jazdy had amassed more than fifty tickets.
That sneaky Pole. Coming into the country, taking Irish jobs, seducing their women, speeding and getting away with it? That was too much.
That is where the story takes an embarrasing turn for the Gardai after a thinking member of the Garda Traffic Corps did some research and send a confidential memo to his colleagues that leaked to the public. It had come to his attention that officers inspecting Polish driving licences were recording Prawo Jazdy as the licence holder’s name.
You can also read about it here and here. And Ireland? I still love ou!
I have fond memories of living in Ireland. During my five years on the Emerald isle things you would hear about stories in the news that would make you go "huh?". More often than not they would include horrible accidents, bad traffic or events involving the police or Garda (Garda Síochána na hÉireann - Guardians of the peace of Ireland) as they're called in Ireland.
During the Celtic Tiger, the country's boom years, a lot of people figured you could make a great living and the booming economy drew people from across Europe to Ireland.
Soon you'd walk down a street in Dublin and all you would hear was foreign accents. A lot of Polish people moved to Ireland after Poland had joined the EU in 2004 and they made up the biggest part of immigrants. Out of a population of roughly 4 million people, 200 000 were Polish immigrants.
It had positive and negative effects which I will not go into here but you'd think with Polish newspapers, shops and television channels popping up all over Ireland , the Garda would have copped on sooner.
Anyway, sooner or later Polish were stopped by Gardai for speeding. Drivers licenses were handed over, names and addresses were written down, speeding tickets were sent but they could never arrest the person charged. Not long after that the Polish citizen Prawo Jazdy had amassed more than fifty tickets.
That sneaky Pole. Coming into the country, taking Irish jobs, seducing their women, speeding and getting away with it? That was too much.
That is where the story takes an embarrasing turn for the Gardai after a thinking member of the Garda Traffic Corps did some research and send a confidential memo to his colleagues that leaked to the public. It had come to his attention that officers inspecting Polish driving licences were recording Prawo Jazdy as the licence holder’s name.
“Prawo Jazdy is actually Polish for 'driving licence' and not the first and
surname on the licence,” he wrote. Having noticed this I decided to check on Pulse (the criminal data base) and see how many members have made this mistake. It is quite embarrassing to see that the system has created Prawo Jazdy as a person with over 50 identities. He can also be found on the Fixed Charge Processing System as well. This mistake needs to be rectified immediately and a memo sent to the members concerned. I also think that Garda Information Service Centre [in] Castlebar should be notified and some kind of alert put on these two words.”
Heck upon reading this I almost wet myself.
Here you go Mrs. License. You can have your Kat and registration back.You can also read about it here and here. And Ireland? I still love ou!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Coming Out
Alright, this will be my coming out. You broke me down Bobbie.
Since you not only forced me to come out of the closet and face my team but also my entire company it is about time the internets hear the entire truth.
I'm just not cutting it for my wife anymore. Yep, me the Lesbian has issues getting the strap-on up and my wife get's angry with me at nights [sic!].
Thank you Bobbie. Sincerely. From the bottom of my heart. Maybe you ought to go on and spread word. I think people in Turkmenistan and Congo may not have heard. I sure am glad that even though you claim to be all the way in Down Under, you care enough about the sexual frustrations in our household.
Honey I'm on my way home. Now. Get undressed, we need to talk.
P.S. Bobbie the boob writes to me on a daily basis.
P.P.S. Do you too sometimes wonder what eejit actually klicks to follow these links?
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Freeze!
After reading this story I didn't know wehether to laugh or cry. Though it is more tragic than funny.
On a cold Wisconsin night a woman let her 12 year old 120 pound dog out to pee and as the obese dog sat there trying to relief himself, he froze to the sidewalk. I shit you not - no pun intended.
The dog was literally frozen to the sidewalk. Now if you've got even half a brain you would warm up some water, pour it around the poorlittle big doggie and oh magic, he would come free and you could take him home, hoping nobody witnessed this little embarrasing episode.
Well this eejit left her dog outside in the freezing cold, stuck to the sidewalk and she said she went and checked on the dog every couple of hours. What the fuck?
The dog survived thanks to the layers of fat (that admittedly got him into this situation in the first place) after neighbors called the police after 12 hours.
I say let her ass freeze in jail!
On a cold Wisconsin night a woman let her 12 year old 120 pound dog out to pee and as the obese dog sat there trying to relief himself, he froze to the sidewalk. I shit you not - no pun intended.
The dog was literally frozen to the sidewalk. Now if you've got even half a brain you would warm up some water, pour it around the poor
Well this eejit left her dog outside in the freezing cold, stuck to the sidewalk and she said she went and checked on the dog every couple of hours. What the fuck?
The dog survived thanks to the layers of fat (that admittedly got him into this situation in the first place) after neighbors called the police after 12 hours.
I say let her ass freeze in jail!
Monday, November 3, 2008
"Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined"
"Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined"
That is the name a 19 year old Brit chose for himself. No, I am not shitting you.
He ought to have called himself “Your Royal Highness The Eejit of All Stupid Names Even Stupider Than That”. He wanted to be unique. Some people are just weird but at least he chose this for himself. Imagine being called Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams. Think that is stupid? It sure is. It is the name of a 24 year old girl born in Texas whose parents obviously had no love for her at all. I wonder what they call her? Rhoshi? Telly? Judging by her family name she’s probably called Bill. And to imagine a Kiwi court wouldn't let the parents of a girl call her "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii".
What's in a name? Shame!
Who would allow for a person to change their name to something like the aforementioned name and WHY?
Please enlighten me!
Yours truly
Kat Captain Obvious Hater of All Names Stupid Freakshow Daisy Poodle Quid Abomination Mouse Kllgnwln <--- especially for my Welsh readers - should I happen to have any ;0) - not that I would know if it actually means something - I just find it funny how they disregard vowels.
That is the name a 19 year old Brit chose for himself. No, I am not shitting you.
He ought to have called himself “Your Royal Highness The Eejit of All Stupid Names Even Stupider Than That”. He wanted to be unique. Some people are just weird but at least he chose this for himself. Imagine being called Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams. Think that is stupid? It sure is. It is the name of a 24 year old girl born in Texas whose parents obviously had no love for her at all. I wonder what they call her? Rhoshi? Telly? Judging by her family name she’s probably called Bill. And to imagine a Kiwi court wouldn't let the parents of a girl call her "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii".
What's in a name? Shame!
Who would allow for a person to change their name to something like the aforementioned name and WHY?
Please enlighten me!
Yours truly
Kat Captain Obvious Hater of All Names Stupid Freakshow Daisy Poodle Quid Abomination Mouse Kllgnwln <--- especially for my Welsh readers - should I happen to have any ;0) - not that I would know if it actually means something - I just find it funny how they disregard vowels.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Product Design Fail
There is no reason for me to regret my choice of profession but sometimes I wish I was a product designer because seriously how hard can it be to put one and one together to make something beautiful and functional? Obviously it seems to be very difficult as this experience shows.
For a while now I needed a new alarm clock. I wanted one that I could check at at night but that wasn't so bright that I was even more awake or even worse that it would wake my husband. So off we went the other weekend to come home with this -what we thought "fabulous" little projection alarm clock.
It had everything I desired. An FM radio so I could wake up to music and it projected the time on my wall at night or so I thought.
Because lets face it when you do wake up at night you want to go right back to sleep and you don't want to wake the husband. I want to reach for my clock. I want to hit a button. I want to see the time projected on my wall. I want to go back to sleep. Simple as that. BUT there is many things wrong with this alarm clock. So much so that it now resides in our kitchen instead of on my nightstand.
See if I had designed an alarm clock I would have made sure that the digits in the normal display actually dim noticeably when it gets dark. They don't. The display is so bright you don't need to project the time but they're so bright it keeps you from sleeping.
Also if I wake up and want to know what time it is, I don't want to fumble around in the dark to find the tiny button in the back!!!! of the clock that turns on the projector.
I also don't want to have to reach across the top of the alarm clock that holds the two infrared sensors that go off with a beep before showing you the alarm times. Why???
But that is not the worst of it. The part of the clock that you aim at the wall where it is supposed to project the time only turns at an angle of 120°. Which means I can only project it on the opposite wall and not the wall neares to my bed. Who was the idiot who designed that clock?
The hubby now got me this $10 alarm clock whose display is dark at night, which has a huge button on top that I can hit to project the time on any wall at almost any angle.
Perfect I thought but it wasn't. The clock is absolutely fine apart from the fact that the display starts lighting up in bright blue when you hit the projection button. 
Jeeeeeeeeebus people I want to PROJECT the TIME on my WALL without being blinded by a bright light. Is that so hard to understand? Have you fancy, creative product designer folks never used an alarm clock? I guess not or else you would have noticed that all of you FAILED miserably. Usability = ZERO.
Well at least it does project the time as it should.
Well it isn't freaking rocket science guys! Back to your drawing boards you effing eejits.
For a while now I needed a new alarm clock. I wanted one that I could check at at night but that wasn't so bright that I was even more awake or even worse that it would wake my husband. So off we went the other weekend to come home with this -what we thought "fabulous" little projection alarm clock.
It had everything I desired. An FM radio so I could wake up to music and it projected the time on my wall at night or so I thought.Because lets face it when you do wake up at night you want to go right back to sleep and you don't want to wake the husband. I want to reach for my clock. I want to hit a button. I want to see the time projected on my wall. I want to go back to sleep. Simple as that. BUT there is many things wrong with this alarm clock. So much so that it now resides in our kitchen instead of on my nightstand.
See if I had designed an alarm clock I would have made sure that the digits in the normal display actually dim noticeably when it gets dark. They don't. The display is so bright you don't need to project the time but they're so bright it keeps you from sleeping.
Also if I wake up and want to know what time it is, I don't want to fumble around in the dark to find the tiny button in the back!!!! of the clock that turns on the projector.
I also don't want to have to reach across the top of the alarm clock that holds the two infrared sensors that go off with a beep before showing you the alarm times. Why???
But that is not the worst of it. The part of the clock that you aim at the wall where it is supposed to project the time only turns at an angle of 120°. Which means I can only project it on the opposite wall and not the wall neares to my bed. Who was the idiot who designed that clock?
The hubby now got me this $10 alarm clock whose display is dark at night, which has a huge button on top that I can hit to project the time on any wall at almost any angle.
Perfect I thought but it wasn't. The clock is absolutely fine apart from the fact that the display starts lighting up in bright blue when you hit the projection button. 
Jeeeeeeeeebus people I want to PROJECT the TIME on my WALL without being blinded by a bright light. Is that so hard to understand? Have you fancy, creative product designer folks never used an alarm clock? I guess not or else you would have noticed that all of you FAILED miserably. Usability = ZERO.Well at least it does project the time as it should.
Well it isn't freaking rocket science guys! Back to your drawing boards you effing eejits.
Friday, October 17, 2008
And they say women can't park but at least we know how to exit
Yet another contender for the 'Eejit of the week' award. I wonder if he really thought he was gonna make it. Probably one of these situation where you think something is a good idea and while you're in the middle of it you realize - well it wasn't really.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Sex on the Beach is not just a drink
Alright so this could be easily filed in the 'Eejits of the week' column. It made me crack up.
We're all a bit more relaxed during vacation time and I am sure most of us have more sex during our holidays than we do during any old working week. You feel relaxed and the sun is making your hormones dance and you get a bit naughty and you give in.
I mean I've seen people get it on in vacation spots around the world. In the weirdest of places really. Car parks, bars, sun loungers, in the pool, near the pool, on the balcony, on the beach, in the water... but never have I met anyone who made love in public in an Arab country. That's not adventurous. That is pretty damn stupid.
Like these Brits who had Sex on a beach in Dubai and got caught. The couple was sentenced to three months in jail each for sex outside marriage, public indecency and drunkenness and a fine of $US350.
How would my good Irish friend Kilian say in his lovely brogue? "That'll learn ye".
Do you generally get more frisky on vacation than you do at home or not and if you care to share, where was the wildest place you ever got naughty?
We're all a bit more relaxed during vacation time and I am sure most of us have more sex during our holidays than we do during any old working week. You feel relaxed and the sun is making your hormones dance and you get a bit naughty and you give in.
I mean I've seen people get it on in vacation spots around the world. In the weirdest of places really. Car parks, bars, sun loungers, in the pool, near the pool, on the balcony, on the beach, in the water... but never have I met anyone who made love in public in an Arab country. That's not adventurous. That is pretty damn stupid.
Like these Brits who had Sex on a beach in Dubai and got caught. The couple was sentenced to three months in jail each for sex outside marriage, public indecency and drunkenness and a fine of $US350.
How would my good Irish friend Kilian say in his lovely brogue? "That'll learn ye".
Do you generally get more frisky on vacation than you do at home or not and if you care to share, where was the wildest place you ever got naughty?
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Eejit of the Week
This weeks second contestant for the lovely "Eejit of the Week" award is a German farmer whose habit of smoking got him into big trouble.
As he parked his tractor with two trailers containing a load of 25 tons of potatos in front of a convenient store to run in and buy a pack of cigarettes the brake came loose. The tractor rolled downhill and over a parked car crushing it against a wall, thereby totalling it.
See I told ya smoking was dangerous!
Just for shits and giggles I would also like to amuse you with this epic video full of 'all things fail'.
Have a splendid day oh and please don't forget to vote for last weeks Eejit of the Week over on the right.
As he parked his tractor with two trailers containing a load of 25 tons of potatos in front of a convenient store to run in and buy a pack of cigarettes the brake came loose. The tractor rolled downhill and over a parked car crushing it against a wall, thereby totalling it.
See I told ya smoking was dangerous!
Just for shits and giggles I would also like to amuse you with this epic video full of 'all things fail'.
Have a splendid day oh and please don't forget to vote for last weeks Eejit of the Week over on the right.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Snooze control to Major Tom - Eejit of the Week
My lovely “evil” twin sis Melisa from Suburban Scrawl thought this story would be a contender for the “Eejit of the Week” award and boy was she right. Thank you Melisa.
Life as a pilot must be hard. I mean seriously hard. All that flying through different time zones, the jetlag and all that hard partying with dozens of cute flight attendants…Yes that can really take you out. So much so that you gotta snooze on the job.
Too bad that your job involves flying an enormous chunk of metal worth several millions and a few hundred people whose lives depend on you.
I am just saying because apparently the guys from an Air India flight en route to Mumbai felt it was ok to take a nap thereby overshooting their destination by several miles before being woken up by Air Traffic Control.
SNOOZE CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM. WTF?
I have never been afraid of flying but heck I sure am not looking forward to our flight to Thailand in September now. I don’t want to wake up in Laos or Cambodia or Vietnam. Not that these countries wouldn’t be perfectly great destinations it is just that we really had set our minds on going to Thailand!
Please vote for last weeks “Eejit of the Week” in the poll underneath the “About” section. Should you happen to come across a really moronic story you think would be a contender for the award please don’t hesitate to send me an email or leave me a comment.
Life as a pilot must be hard. I mean seriously hard. All that flying through different time zones, the jetlag and all that hard partying with dozens of cute flight attendants…Yes that can really take you out. So much so that you gotta snooze on the job.
Too bad that your job involves flying an enormous chunk of metal worth several millions and a few hundred people whose lives depend on you.
I am just saying because apparently the guys from an Air India flight en route to Mumbai felt it was ok to take a nap thereby overshooting their destination by several miles before being woken up by Air Traffic Control.
SNOOZE CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM. WTF?
I have never been afraid of flying but heck I sure am not looking forward to our flight to Thailand in September now. I don’t want to wake up in Laos or Cambodia or Vietnam. Not that these countries wouldn’t be perfectly great destinations it is just that we really had set our minds on going to Thailand!
Please vote for last weeks “Eejit of the Week” in the poll underneath the “About” section. Should you happen to come across a really moronic story you think would be a contender for the award please don’t hesitate to send me an email or leave me a comment.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Eejit of the Week II
You didn't really think we were going to run out of idiotic stories to report this week? Or any other week come to think of it!
Today's story is as disgusting as it is hilarious.
Jeffrey Barrier allegedly used the camera on his cell phone to take pictures of a naked woman in a tanning salon in Cincinnati/Ohio. Until he was caught.
When the police arrived he denied everything and the cell phone could not be found. The suspect claimed he didn't have a camera with him. The eejit had hidden his cell in his a$$.
I bet when the police brought the phone back to daylight his response was "oops I fell on it". Which reminds me of this post and once again I would like to take a chance to remind the eejits of the world that the rear end is meant to be an exit, not an entrance or storage facility.
Today's story is as disgusting as it is hilarious.
Jeffrey Barrier allegedly used the camera on his cell phone to take pictures of a naked woman in a tanning salon in Cincinnati/Ohio. Until he was caught.
When the police arrived he denied everything and the cell phone could not be found. The suspect claimed he didn't have a camera with him. The eejit had hidden his cell in his a$$.
I bet when the police brought the phone back to daylight his response was "oops I fell on it". Which reminds me of this post and once again I would like to take a chance to remind the eejits of the world that the rear end is meant to be an exit, not an entrance or storage facility.
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