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Today I read a blog post on one of the numerous blogs I’ve been reading for a while. It was about how this new mom’s lifestyle had changed since she and her husband had a baby.
In unnecessary harsh words she explained that she has no more patience for the self-pitying and so called ’whining’ of her childless friends since the baby’s birth. Whereas in the past she may have listened patiently, she now has other priorities and no longer needs this. I’m cool with that. I bet that’s how nature intended it to be..putting the offspring first. But life around you doesn’t stop.
For some reason this struck a chord with me as I remembered all the blog posts she wrote during her pregnancy (believe me, nine months worth of blogging is a hell of a lot of blogposts about pregnancy) And I am sure her real life friends got to hear an earful about the same. No doubt – this is an inexhaustible topic and I am excited for anyone who is having a baby. Baby stories are great and I can’t get enough of them but I couldn’t get this thought out of my head: How dare she say that she’s now bored with the things her childless friends care about when all she’s talking about is her baby?
Don’t childless people have lives as well? Interests, hobbies, things and thoughts they want to share? Does the fact that they haven’t procreated (yet) make them less valuable? Though I am sure she meant no harm her post still made me angry.
Hypocritcal? No, but worth putting things into perspective.
12 comments:
My first inclination, because I'm just this way, is to wonder if she meant it in a sort of joking way. (I usually give people the benefit of the doubt.)
On the other hand, you're the one familiar with her writing (I'm not) and if you're a regular reader who became offended, well, that's a little different.
Of course a parent would put their offspring first, BUT I hate to see people have children and then give up what was important to them before. Naturally a new parent wouldn't have as much time to socialize with friends or even grocery shop or even sleep, but just because their friends do have that time is no need to lash out in jealousy or isolate them as if they did something wrong.
In my opinion, becoming a parent makes you need your friends--whether they also have kids or not--even more.
xoxo
Hmm, you know, I don't have any "real life" friends that have kids so I never hear them talk about babies- and you know what, I LIKE IT THAT WAY. Personally, it allows me to still live through them a little vicariously- and I get my fill of mommy-whining on the internet! I suggest that mommy do the same!
Melisa I was totally offended by what she had written. I understand that your priorities change but that does not mean that you can belittle those who stood by you all through your pregnancy and then dismiss them...Uiuiui that pissed me off alright. Thanks for listening to my rant though and I would absolutely sign what you said in your last sentence.
Jeninacide See:) I followed your blog and loved every second of it because even though you blogged about motherhood you didn't denounce your friends. And who in their right mind could resist Coleton's smile ;o) or the stories about him.
Well I know what you mean. You become a parent, you're happy and want the world to know. We get it but friends are important. They are what keeps you sane. If you know her personally you should tell her how that made you feel.
Wow her saying that might have affected the number of readers on that blog!
I need more friends without kids! When our three closest friends come over with their kids we have 18 people and only 8 of us are adults. Now imagine going to dinner together, it's tons of fun!
I'd be happy if the adult to kid ratio around here when we have company was in favor of adults!
i love my friends with or without kids. i leave a lot of my kid talk out when it comes to my kid-less friends. not all of it, but i don't sit there and discuss diapers, getting rid of the sucky etc. i know they aren't there in their lives yet. however... i value their friendship for other reasons. my kids are not the center of their universe. heck, they aren't even in the center of mine. i love my little ones, i will do what's best for them, love them like mad, but everyone needs a life of their own without involving everyone in it!
I wonder if she has stopped to consider that perhaps her child-free friends are sick of hearing about baby poop, puke and sore bewbs.
Great post...and interesting comments.
Sounds like she is a bit self-centered.
While my interests changed GREATLY when I became a mom, it wasn't for the BETTER....just different. My friendships have shifted....but I think it was in a natural sort of way.
You must already know that based on my tweets the other day, I couldn't possibly agree with you more! GAH!!! :) Nice one, Kat.
Some people get obsessive about their own lives, whether it be religion, or children, and write everyone else off as valueless, or feel that no-one else is justified in feeling that they have problems because they've not gone through the same things. Such people are ultimately the ones who lose out by cutting themselves off from a variety and diversity of outlooks that others have to offer them.
Pity her.
I think you just ran into someone who is going through another stage in her life. We all go through different stages and she seemed to be transistioning from childless to mother. Therefore her priorities are different and she maybe one who has little patience for others...
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