Monday, February 18, 2008

Houston we have a problem

Has your behind ever literally been stuck on a toilet? No? Neither has mine. That was until today. I am left with bruises and a scratch. How did it happen? My booty wasn’t too big for the seat nor did somebody play a prank and glued my buttocks to the toilet seat. They might as well have though. My embarrassment is only marginally smaller.

Some big mean construction worker used the toilet seat as a ladder and cracked it in the process. The crack was barely visible and I didn’t think much of it. When I went about my business everything was as it should be. I was quietly whistling. I used to whistle loudly when I believed to be alone in the stalls. I don’t do that anymore ever since I heard somebody whistle in the men’s room, which is next door. His whistling stopped abruptly when I thought I’d hum along to the catchy tune *lol* but I digress.

Anyhoo. When I reached forward for some toilet paper I shifted my weight and when I leaned back well let’s just say some of my lovely behind’s skin got caught in the invisible crack in the toilet seat. Ouch. Two very loud screams and a nasty curse later I had freed my buttcheek from the seat of torture and got the heck out of there. My colleagues laughed their behinds off upon hearing my account and some of the lovely ladies said they had managed to get their butts caught in that crack as well. Nobody did however manage to call Facility management and ask them to replace the seat of doom. Well we did now but it’s a bit too late. The damage is done and I am the butt of the joke. Pun intended and all.

20 comments:

Cass said...

Ouch. This will only further my paranoia of sitting on the actual toilet seat.

Melisa said...

Oh my, you poor thing!

You'll laugh about it soon though; after all, it IS a good story even though you can't appreciate the storytelling value on this day.

I hope your butt feels better soon! :)

xoxo

Patty said...

AWWW KAT! This sucks and I have had a tiny pinch from a cracked seat when I was younger. OUCHIE!!! Seriously I was like WTF and sure enough there was a hairline crack in the tiolet seat.

Hope your tushy is all better!

PrincessPolly said...

That "cracked" me up. Didn't something like this happen in "Ally McBeal" once. Chelsea from "Chelsea Talks Smack" was talking about fears earlier - I think the fear of this happening to me has now joined my numerous other fears.

Melissa said...

Wow, love the new look!! Sorry your tush is feeling the brunt of the cracked seat, though I did have to giggle a little about being the butt of the joke and all ;)

Kat said...

Cass - I don't usually sit down in public restrooms either but the restroom in work is ok. It is very clean and there's very few women on our floor :)

Melisa - I already had a good laugh about it (once the pain subsided *LOL*

Patty - Glad someone can relate. My tushy already feels better.

Princesspolly- Yeah I was waiting for the "cracked" me up joke LOL. Don't be afraid, just take care where you sit :)

Melissa - I am glad you like the new look and I am also glad my it made you giggle :)

Pocklock said...

I'm cringing and giggling at the same time. Your poor butt! I hope you called facilities. If not, please don't be the person that hovers outside the stall and laughs when the next person shrieks.

Because that would be me.

Lil foot's mommy said...

haha...I thought i was the only one to have work bathroom stall issues! good to know that's not the case.

Myla said...

OMG! You poor thing! I wish you and your butt a speedie recovery. This is a great story.. in the future it will be something you will laugh about.

Don Mills Diva said...

Now that is FUNNY! Especially because it didn't happen to me.

Kat said...

Pocklock - after experiencing that kind of pain I don't think I would be that person :)

Lil foot's mommy - nah you are definitely not alone. I am glad at the same time to hear that others have issues there too :)

Myla - You're right, it was hilarious. I already had a hearty laugh about it.

Don Mills Diva- I am always happy to entertain you :)

Susie said...

I am sorry you are in pain--seriously.

I have though been unable to stop laughing since I read this story!
Thanks for the giggle, and I hope you feel better soon.

(found you from Melissa over at Hope.........)

SpAzzGiRL said...

nobody said anything sooner?? I thought only men did that! Sheesh!

cassafrass said...

OMG, I can't stop laughing.

Sarah said...

Bwahahahaha.....OMG....that is terrible! Funny, but terrible. How awful to be bitten on the ass by the toilet seat!!!! Hope your butt is feeling better.

Kat said...

Susie- welcome, welcome. Glad you found me and happy to have made you laugh :)

Spazzgirl - That's what I thought but apparently women are just as bad. Who'd have thought bwahaha

Cassafrass - hehe I am still laughing when I think about it.

Sarah- Don't worry, I won't be mad if you laugh at me. It is pretty hilarious and my butt is already tons better.

Tanya said...

Ouch, I can only imagine how much that would hurt. Lawsuit time! j/k

Corey~living and loving said...

ooooo ouchie ouch ouch! I bet your yelp echoed in there. eeekkkk

Jules said...

YOWCH!!! I hope you got some good TLC from your husband... ;)
Jules
House of Jules

Danielle A. said...

Uhm... OUCH! That's all I have to say about that. Awesome pun, BTW. :)