Ok now I have heard or better read it all. Now I found this in a German newsmag and dug up the article in English which can be found here. It is pretty whacky but not as whacky as sex with your picnic table.
A guy in China has a turtle that is nicotin addicted. Everytime he smokes the turtle pokes its head out of the shell and he gives it his cigarette butt. And as if that isn't disturbing enough I found several links on Youtube to videos with smoking turtles. However I will not link them as I find it cruel enough to torture your animal with cigarette smoke or worse offering a ciggy to your dear pet.
It's about time this week comes to an abrupt halt and less stupid things make it in the news :)