Wednesday, September 30, 2009

in which I admit that swearing is the shit

If you’re anything like me you will love a good rant. Now a rant amounts to nothing if there’s no cursing and/or use of swear words. A good swear is the cherry topping my sundae. Our household isn’t particularly child-proof and most of the times it doesn’t need to be. We don’t have kids. All of that seems alright for the parents visiting with their offspring because they will try and protect it from possible bodily harm. However, what they cannot protect their kids from is the spoken word. The word is mightier than the sword. Always has and always will be. Thus I always feel weird around kids. Because I can’t go around and say fuck, shit, crap, Scheibenkleister and whatever else it is that comes to mind.

Let’s be honest. If you stub your toe on the bathtub, the first thing on your mind is to call that tub a c***s****ing m***f***er, before adding how you’d like to tear that s**t apart and give that f***er a good whacking... Anger management classes anyone? Sign me up.

I find the use of swear words brings people closer together because they can relate. The Irish are good at swearing. That was one thing I loved them for dearly. Every second word is fuck. Fuck this, fuck that...He’s an eejit, a feckin‘ cnut or whatnot. Soon you are finding yourself in a position in which you make heavy use of aforementioned swear words (and many more). Then you move back to Germany or you travel Stateside and you notice that swearing is frowned upon.  A lot. Ooopsa daisy.

So I gotta be extra careful. Around children especially. They are like a blank canvas. You can paint anything on them but you are going to have a hard time getting it off again. And if you don’t watch out, you will find yourself in the same situation as Ben Stiller in Meet the Fockers:

Gosh that movie sucked but I always find myself coming back to that one particular scene.

See, I did it again. Cursing has become an integral part of my life and most of the times I won’t censor what I am saying. I hold it with Tommy Tiernan, the Irish comedian, who said that the English language does not suit his soul but he doesn’t speak or understand Irish, so fuck it. He thinks that the English language is like a brick wall between him and his audience and „FUCK“ is his chisel.

What can I say? I couldn’t agree more and if you want your kids to escape their visit with us untainted, please provide them with ear muffs.

5 comments:

Brian o vretanos said...

As a parent, I'd be more than happy for my daughter to be exposed to all these words - I suspect she knows them anyway. Then I wouldn't have to worry about (a) minding my language, and (b) her not being able to watch certain films just because of some f-words.

However, I'm not sure about how to get started with this phase of her education.

So, if you'd like to go into business running an "f"-finishing school for girls, to teach them all of the bad stuff, I'll be your first customer...

NYC Girl said...

We weren't raise to cursing in our house but our parents weren't overly protective of other people cursing around us. I find that comical now if my friends who are parents and used to be the biggest offenders when it comes to cursing. Go figure! lol

Mags said...

This post is f*&^%$g hilarious. My mother has a word she has used since she was in high school, and has passed it on to us. She came up with it one day at work because he boss was getting on her nerves and she wanted to tell her sister what she thought of him. It's: mufucusa.

Mother-F&*^%$g-C*&k-Sucker

Melissa said...

I guess I have the proverbial potty mouth, too. I let go a few dammit's at the doctor's office the other day.

Which I followed up with a quick "excuse me..." lol!

Melisa with one S said...

Hilarious, Kat! I love a good rant now and then, too.

We weren't allowed to even say "crap" in the house when we were growing up. Must be why I like cursing on occasion now!